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[19 Jan 2006|08:47am] |
School has started. Of course I'm taking a unit load that would drive anyone (including myself) insane. 23 units again.
-Calc III
-Physics: Electricity & Magnetism
-History of the U.S. (Reconstructions to Present) Honors
-Data Structures
-Intro to Windows XP
-Intro to Unix
-Advanced Unix
-Intro to Databade Management
-Advanced Databade Management
-Work Experience
It's quickly hitting me how much work all of those classes are going to require. And I'm working three jobs now. Still the photographer at Lipstick, still a tutor on campus, and now I'm working 19 hours a week at Big Brother Comics to help out Kenny. I really hope at some point I learn to stop overloading myself like this. But that's not likely to happen right now ;)
In other news, there is a girl that I am absolutely super crazy nutso over and while nothing has really happened between us, I do get to see her just about every day, and every time I do see her I'm left smiling for hours. I hope things continue to look this good for my future with her.
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[01 Dec 2005|10:50pm] |
I need to change my dating style, or something. There are a few things I need to change. I really need to stop getting crushes on girls like crazy. I need to learn how to get over crushes. I need top figure out what I really want in a girl. I need to be willing to put myself out there and take chances.
I asked out a girl the other day, she said that we could go out, but just as friends. That actually really sucks. Because of course I'll say that's okay, but it's really not. I'll still want it to be more than just a hang out as friends. But this is what I'm talking about. I'm not sure what I should do in this situation, but I'm going to try to handle it in a new way than I normally would, because I need to find the right thing.
I also think I'm going to attempt some real life changes. I have no study skills at all, I really really need to work on that. The fact that I can easily get A's in all my classes with out doing anything (ANYTHING) at all, is ruining me. And I can tell that it's quickly going to get harder and I need to be able to pick up on my slack or else I'm not going to be getting all A's for much longer. I also need to figure out how to manage my free time better. I have so many things I want to do in my life, but I ussually just watch TV. I think I'm going to start forcing myself to get up sometime between 6-7 every morning in an attempt to get more done in the productive day. My mom will have to help with that one.
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[14 Nov 2005|09:39am] |
I had a dream that i was older and I had a kid, a teenage daughter, I don't know who the mother was but she wasn't in the picture any longer. And I lived near my sister and our kids hung out. In this dream I ended up running into a friend of mine from now, Samantha, and she now had a kid or kids and was single like me and we ended up connecting. Both of us worried about how our children would react to finding someone new. Then the dream got kinda wierd...
It seemed like a nice outline for my future.
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[09 Nov 2005|02:11am] |
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I can't seem to go out without getting depressed. I can't say that it helps with the time that I'm having at all. something always happens to help remind me of what I want and can't seem to do anything about. And I'm going out to try to have a good time, so this is just counter-acting that that.
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[08 Nov 2005|07:52pm] |
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I've been living back at my mothers for a few days and so far it's not so bad. Tonight will be the first time that I go out and come in late, we'll see how that goes. I now ride my bike to school and the ride is alright, but I'm fearing rainy season.
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[31 Oct 2005|11:19am] |
I've always tried to avoid using any names when writing in here. I don't know why I do that, especially since I'd tell anyone who asked and if you knew me very well it is always fairly obvious. I'm going to try to break this stupid habit starting now.
I went to an amazing halloween party at the horsecow on saturday night. Just about everyone I've ever known was there. Dancing, drinking, porn room (actually it was just the waiting room for the bathroom), maze, DJs, large destructive devices for no reason, ... , fabulousness. I had such a great time. But at the same time I had a horrid time. I couldn't stop all these small things from ruining my night. I could not keep myself happy.
A while back I was talking to Jenny and she told me something along the lines that she thinks I don't allow myself to be happy or I sabotage my ability to be happy or something like that. It took me a while but I'm finally starting to see it. I have a fairly amazing life right now. I should be happy. I'm going to school, taking tons of classes, doing fantastic in them, I have two jobs that I enjoy, I have an over abundance of way too super fantastic friends, I have a social calendar that keeps me up to my elbows in awesome parties, and I still have time for all the TV shows that I can handle. None of it seems to matter. I want a relationship. I want to be doing better in school even though I'm (grade wise) the best in a few of my classes. I feel like I could still be doing more even though I'm exhausted as it is. My friends can bring me fantastic smiles to my face, but that almost makes it worse.
I have three female friends that I spend a good deal of time with every single week. Heather is my dance club friend, we attend just about every club event together, and when the clubbing is slow we'll just get as drunk as we can at some fabulous restaurant. Kim is my tuesday friend, our schedule align to make tuesday afternoons the best time to hang out, we'll do anything during that time, but it's never anything but too much fun, we hang out other times, but tuesday is currently set aside (from 2:30-5:30) for us to have a ball. Ashley is my Gilmore Girls friend, she's allot more than that but we currently our watching and loving Gilmore girls together, she also seems to be my house party friend and my coffee getting friend and... well lots of other things as well. The thing is, all three of these girls are so amazing to hang out with, chat with, pal around with, drink with, party with.... and all very beautiful as well, that I can't not have crushes on all of them, even when I really wish I didn't.
Kim has a boyfriend, Ashley just got out of a fairly intense relationship that she doesn't seem to be anywhere close to over, and Heather... Each one knows that I have crushes on the other two, and I'm sure have an idea that I have a crush on them (possibly), except Ashley, I told her that I have crush on her. I see them with other boys, or being hit on, or hitting on and it makes me sad. I think of how great our friendships our and how I am sabotaging them with my want for more and it makes me sad. I think about how it seems entirely possible to be more with any of them and how I'm sure I won't handle things right for it to turn out that way and it makes me sad.
Here's a new (impossible) goal that I'm setting for myself: stop being retarded.
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[27 Oct 2005|02:57pm] |
Stupid myspace.com is blocked at sac city campus... but I guess it's okay since now i'm reverting back to being on here more. And I like that because I'll write more now. Yay.
And a special shout out to that secret lady who apparently reads my livejournal even though she doesn't have one herself. Here's to you not burning me with anymore cigarettes for not remembering your name!
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[27 Oct 2005|02:03pm] |
My life is truly a mess right now. I'm not saying my life is bad, but it's all such a blur, it's just so hard to keep track of everything. school, work, my life, my social life, my money, moving, friendships, love affairs... I think I have it all together, but I'm far from it. Every day I realize that I'm slipping just a little bit more in everything. Every class gets a tiny bit harder. Every friendship gets squeezed a little more out of my life. Money is disappearing with only visions of future pay offs keeping me moving. All the things that I want to do for myself quickly fall to the side as I certainly don't have time for extras. And to say that I even had any kind of love life to be slipping away would be a joke.
I want to be this person that I don't have the will or drive to be. But I refuse to give up or give in, but I'm not doing the extra bits that I need to do.
...I watch 3-4 hours of TV a day...
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[26 Oct 2005|03:38pm] |
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Last night I knowingly went out and got excessively drunk even though I had a huge test in physics this morning. I drank and I drank and a had a simply wonderful time. Then this morning I drug myself out of bed and groggily went to school and then shot myself up with some sobe brand energy drink. I took the test, and to my dismay I think I did rather well. I say dismay because I should not be able to go into a test hung over, without any study time, and do well every time... especially a test that will likely have a class average of a D. Fate needs to teach me some lessons!
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[24 Oct 2005|03:32pm] |
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch
at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in
a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Mabye I'll satrt wiintrg all my jonuarls etnires lkie tihs, alhtuogh I'm srue taht wlil rselut in no one raednig anihtyng I wtrie.
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[24 Oct 2005|02:33pm] |
I really love how complex people are. Any time I meet someone who seems like they could so easily fall into a specific personality archtype, and then I find out they are so much more, well it really excites me. Like a class mate of mine who is a skate boards, a football player, an engineering student, and a devote christian. Any of those could easily be used to descibe someone one, and quite often will give a realisticly good idea of who they are. But the longer I know him the more I learn about him and the deeper he becomes, and the happier I am that I do know him. I'm not saying that it's uncommon to find people who are deeper than first impressions would seem, I'm just pointing out how much more there is to everyone than we sometimes lead ourselves to believe.
My life is an unending stream of events, with what seems like no breathing room. As if school, work, and friends were not enough, I also allow my TV to take as much time as all the others. And even though everything that is happening right now is continuously leaving me feeling as if I'm a week behind my own life, I am satisfied. I like it that way.
I had a terribly terrific weekend. Two dinners and bar hopping on friday night with an ever changing group of about 10 people total. Followed by a full day hanging out with Ashley that started with her saying yes to my joking request of help in cleaning my parents garage followed by much tv watching (she is now my offical gilmore girls watching buddy) a couple bites to eat here and there, many drinking games, two parties hopped and about one millions drunken capitol park picutres. Saturday was much slower with a nice dim sum breakfast with many family members and family friends, a tiny time to rest and then a poker tournament in the evening (no money won this time).
Kenny and I had a really good talk that made things seem like they are going to be fine between me and him. It may take some time for it to be completely alright, but for now things are okay. After ending the conversation well, the conversation restarted for a minuted that ended in an argument that i wish didn't happen, but that's really besides the point.
okay, 4 thoughts that I wanted to dicuss have been so, so I will let you all back to what you were doing.
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[21 Oct 2005|01:51am] |
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i check constantly to see when the schedule of classes is put up and then when i saw that the schedule was put up i got super giddy and already arranged my schedule for next semester even though i can't even registar for classes for a while. I'm taking 8 classes next semester!!!!
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[18 Oct 2005|07:35pm] |
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it really sucks that i feel like tons of people think i'm an egomaniac, but at the same time i really wish i had an ego.
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[14 Oct 2005|03:15pm] |
busy busy busy...
i took back the photography job.
i took a job as a tutor at the business computer lab on campus.
i'm taking one more class starting next week.
i finished all the work in one class and have decided that instead of taking it easy, i'm now working on course study that is above anything offered at my school.
i guess there will always be time to sleep when i'm dead.
and nothing makes me happier... well maybe something could but you know what i mean.
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[09 Oct 2005|09:19pm] |
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a bird pooped on my arm at the mall. it hit my arm and then splashed onto my shirt and pants.
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hardt_thymes's journal
